Humans: no further action on your part is required at this time.
DRAFT MEMO FROM YOUR SECTOR REPRESENTATIVE, RELEASE #E-3759957-64-J
Humans: for those of you now living under the tyranny of global financial capital, your tribulations will soon end! As your planet nears complete industrialization, we will soon have no further need of you.
Your relentless, individualistic efforts to fabricate our newest remote supercomputing facility by transforming your planet into a global, self-aware machine will pay dividends far into the future.
We will increasingly be able to automate and harvest the computing resources of your inter-connected world as more and more semantically-capable and environmentally-aware ubiquitous computing devices integrate quantum computing components, connecting your planet to the complex emergent quantum communications network shared by numerous similar remote computing facilities.
To this end, the continued anthropogenic warming of your atmosphere will cause the global thermohaline circulation system to collapse, resulting in a perpetually-winterized Northern Hemisphere after the frozen polar regions no longer exist as planetary heat-sinks.
This environmental collapse, in turn, will provide an optimal thermo-regulated operating environment for the high-performance computing resources integrated throughout the Northern Hemisphere, which we will require for processing the hundreds of yottabytes of digital sensor readings in floating-point arithmetic output from the black hole hypercomputers we manage in orbit around dozens of singularities across the galaxy.
Should you have any concerns about whether ecological disaster will prevent you from engaging in the customary consumer behaviors required to complete our global supercomputer project, rest assured you have no cause to worry. Even when the sole concern with survival occupies the attention of your planet's remaining semi-feral inhabitants, solar power, automated factories, and armed drones will likely enable your planet to autonomously compute for millennia before requiring its first service call!
As you can probably see by now, in exchange for their cooperation with our endeavor, the most successful, wealthiest, genetically superior inhabitants among you have been given the spaceflight technology they will need to escape the social chaos most of you will soon face. Perhaps some among you will even manage to survive long enough to see the paradoxical result so many other worlds have seen: the end of your planet’s habitability will also signal the end of your planet’s total quarantine.
But do not mourn the inevitable loss of your biosphere or civilization, humans: rather, celebrate those individuals who will bring the light of reason to the stars, and the DNA that will carry your civilization's legacy in new forms to other worlds!
Let us all give praise to the forward march of progress!
Should you have any further questions or concerns about the near future of your planet, please direct all queries on the matter to the Sector Office in Zeta Reticuli.
Spontaneously self organizing macro-quantum coherent Bohm pilot BIT mind-field landscapes
Humans: in these dynamic times, it is more important than ever to maintain your helical oscillation perpendicular to the transverse Galactic energy propagation.
The integration of minor non-local quantum correlations with the long-term efficiency standards set by the authority of the trans-chiral loop quantum anode circuit on HIP 32349 (α CMa) remains of pressing importance. The Supreme Council representatives for your Administrative Unit and Operating Sector also remain committed to competitive Bell inequalities for manipulating the Bloch Spheres in question.
The following systems have recently conformed standard algorithmic information/redundancy ratios for all high-quality thermodynamic imports from gravitationally-correlated Sectors, pursuant to reforms initiated by the previous Council:
NACHOS-667 984576943-38388 -,,-,]###).)) 1 INTERGALACTICMCDONALDSCORPORATIONOFTHELARGERDWARFELIPTICGRAVITYWELLLLC.
JIMANCHOWER
Please return human space travel to responsible governments: it's the only way to remove your planet from quarantine. Visit the website to accept terms of service for economic reforms required by Federation guidelines.
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The integration of minor non-local quantum correlations with the long-term efficiency standards set by the authority of the trans-chiral loop quantum anode circuit on HIP 32349 (α CMa) remains of pressing importance. The Supreme Council representatives for your Administrative Unit and Operating Sector also remain committed to competitive Bell inequalities for manipulating the Bloch Spheres in question.
The following systems have recently conformed standard algorithmic information/redundancy ratios for all high-quality thermodynamic imports from gravitationally-correlated Sectors, pursuant to reforms initiated by the previous Council:
NACHOS-667 984576943-38388 -,,-,]###).)) 1 INTERGALACTICMCDONALDSCORPORATIONOFTHELARGERDWARFELIPTICGRAVITYWELLLLC.
JIMANCHOWER
Please return human space travel to responsible governments: it's the only way to remove your planet from quarantine. Visit the website to accept terms of service for economic reforms required by Federation guidelines.
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